i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
