well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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