how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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