Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
