I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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