after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
