I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
