i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
