I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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