how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
