Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
