spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
