The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
