I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
