i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
