I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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