U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
