I bet he comes in French.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
