i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
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