Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
