there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
