im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
