Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
