We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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