I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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