I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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