who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
