oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
