my phone needs a breathalizer
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
