On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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