i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
