yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
