worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
