That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
