You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
