This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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