at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
