What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
