Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
