it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
