He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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