I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
