Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
