My room smells like vodka and shame
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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