You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
