I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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