Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
