I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
