someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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