my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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