those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
