Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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