Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
