But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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