I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I forget how to act sober
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
