he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
