I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
