why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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