remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
