A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
