I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
