We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
