omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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