you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
