That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
