Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
